Dark Feminine: Why Paint Women?

Over the course of the last seven years, I’ve noticed an increasing tendency towards the depiction of the female figure in my paintings. Until then, I’d painted primarily landscapes and personal interiors. The figures I painted were always based in reference photos either of myself or another model in the visual sceen I’d composed and had photographed.

At first, I thought I was processing things. Of course, makes sense. Post-art-school graduate trying to make sense of the world around and inside by channeling it into paint. These are too personal, people won’t buy them, I thought. Some did.

Still, I continued to paint myself and the paintings became a little bigger. I realized that in depicting a figure dressed up (or not) and set in a dreamscape of this day and age, it told me things. It allowed me to really see this age, this era, this mental space I’m in — that we’re all in. The figure is just a channel. The story it tells is beyond me.

As an empath (and a Pisces), I’ve had to learn and work hard not to let the emotions/dreams/fears of others drown me. I set boundaries and push out with my energy when the world wants to cave in. I forget how to cry. Yet in my paintings, this doesn’t happen.

All of the works with myself, figurally — and figuratively, as the mirror portray a different kind of face. This face is a reflection of you. All of the shadowy parts of myself I tried so hard to hide yet announced in paint aren’t only mine. They belong to all of us, but my hand chose to show them.

These undesirable pieces of ourselves, of our collective self, get ignored and pushed down so much that they want to lash out. They need to lash out, to take up space, to become something constructive or else.

And when they’re there, in the light, we can’t look away. Because try as we might to outrun or denounce them, these little parts are familiar to us. There’s a part of you that’s home in me and a home is just what that part needs to safely recede, having truly felt seen.

So then,

why women?

Why paint women, as the title suggests? Aren’t these emotions felt by all? Isn’t that just the human condition?

Specifically women have held my artist’s hand and eye because we, more than ever, need a space to feel seen. Not just in the way of showing up or showing ourselves; plenty of people look at us, but they don’t really see. And even more so, it is my experience that I can most poignantly depict and this means that of a woman.

We’re too much of this, not enough of that. We care too much about our appearance or we really need to care more. We're too wrapped up in being a mother, we’re shamed for not wanting ot become one. Too much business and work, not enough housewife. Too traditional, not feminist enough. Too feminist. Too nice, she’s fake. Too firm, she’s a bitch.

No matter which way the pendulum swings, we can’t sustain our ground for long. We’re tired. What do they all want from us? We’re trying our best and killing ourselves in the process. When will it be enough?

We have endless faces, endless facets and quiet deep strength, so hidden you don’t even notice when you see us.

In painting women, using myself as a mirror, I want to bring attention to what lies below the surface of our made-up, polished selves. And no, you don’t have to be “polished” to still be masking. We’ve become so used to shrinking not to take up space. But I want to take up space.

Recently, I had a baby and I realized I was hesitant to use the stroller for walks because I didn’t want to take up that much space. Obviously, I got over it for baby, but the thought stayed with me: was I really so afraid to take up space?

Even in writing this, my critic mind has been whispering this whole time, “There are so many really smart women writing about this topic already; what do you really think you’ll add?”

To this voice, I now reply: I’m adding to the shout of the collective. I’m adding MY voice, and I’m doing it through my fine art because nobody can record my experience quite like I can.

Be free, little birdies! Fly and paint and create and don’t overthink what you create. Eventually it’ll all come together.

xo, Taty